My life hasn’t been easy. Born in the Jeff Vander Lou neighborhood of St. Louis City, Missouri, I was born into hardship and raised to endure. I thought that life would be easier once I became an adult, but it didn’t. Besides the usual struggles of life, one of the biggest struggles that I’ve had to deal with as an adult was with my career.
Growing up I remember always being told that if I worked hard then I would be successful, and my dreams would come true. I found out the hard way that wasn’t true. When I entered the workforce at the age of fifteen, I was filled with so much hope. I was prepared to put in the work to make my dreams come true. What I wasn’t prepared for were the lies, manipulation, being spied on, targeted, rejected, and humiliated.
Needless to say, my corporate career sucked ass. During the early years of my career, I had to work to prove that I was valuable. In the later years I had to work my ass off just to keep a job. I lived with constant pressure to prove myself and outperform others in the workplace just for job security. All the while I had to watch those who were unqualified and incompetent climb the ladder.
Things got to the point where having a job became hell to me. I felt like I was trapped in an ongoing episode of the Twilight Zone…constantly being forced to deal with weird s*it. Despite my best efforts to leave the foolishness that I endured in the workplace at work, it was nearly impossible to do. The toxicity of the workplace consumed me. I didn’t want to be there, but I had to be because I had bills to pay.
For a while I was a shell of a person. All the years of trying to prove myself, being unappreciated, undervalued, never seeing the fruits of my labor, being punished for dumb ass situations that I didn’t cause, and being around bootlickers and narcissists all day long took a toll. I no longer had a life. I just existed. The fact that I was giving up my life for work was demoralizing. I was making sacrifices for employers who would replace me within a week if I were to die… and they wouldn’t even bother to come to my funeral.